Insurance Money

Posted elsewhere on 3/16/07:

I've been thinking.....

About money. And how it has affected my life and future.

At first I was panicked. Our major income was gone. How would we survive? Would I have to go out of the house to get a REAL job?

When I found out there was life insurance I was relieved. We wouldn't starve, I could pay the bills.

Then when I actually examined the numbers I was a bit disappointed and even a tiny bit angry. We should have planned better for the future. While we won't starve, if we tried to live just on the insurance money, we'd be broke in no time. So maintaining the eBay business became a priority to supplement our income.

In the beginning it was hard. I never have felt less like working. It was bittersweet, knowing the purpose of the business had been income for our retirement dreams. My husband just died, I really didn't care if people got their frigging lotions and creams. But I did it anyway, because I needed the income.

Slowly, I began to see it was good for me to work. Minutes and then hours of the day I had something else to focus on besides my loss. While the rest of my life was a mess, eBay was the same as it always was. I gained self-confidence in knowing this was one thing I could still do, and do well. It got me out of bed in the mornings, I had sales to check and packages to send. My customers don't know or care that my husband just died, they just want what they paid for, now.

Now I see that the amount of insurance was a blessing. If there was less or no insurance, I'd be hurting financially. If there was more, I'd probably have quit eBay and be hiding in my bed.