Posts from April

Posted elsewhere on 4/04/07:

I'm still here reading when I can. Not everyday though. Still no insurance money so funds are getting tight and eBay has become a neccessity not a hobby.

The van and the truck are both in Rick's name, tags expired on his birthday and I can't find the paperwork to renew and switch to my name. I got a registered letter today from the city....something about the water shutoff is broken and I need to repair it. I called them to ask who I contact to get the repairs done....lady says she doesn't know. I lost it and yelled at her, if she works there and she doesn't know who does these repairs, how in the h*ll am I supposed to know? We took out a refund anticipation loan right before Rick died(not my idea and I didn't want to), the loan was due shortly after his death. They keep calling and calling me, I don't have the business paperwork done to file the taxes and I don't have the money to pay them without receiving either the tax refund or the insurance. I keep getting phone calls on Ricks cell phone. One number is a bill collector for someone I've never heard of. I've told them several times we don't know this person and they have the wrong number and they just keep calling back. Then I keep getting calls that leave no message, caller id "unknown" and if I answer they hang up. I think that might be one of the boys. And my mother calls me weekly and complains that I haven't sent out the Thank You cards yet, like they are the most important thing I have to do. Logan's mom and his brother are fighting over Logan's SS money.... Another one of the boys has starting calling and visiting lately....and asking WAY too many questions about the insurance money.

I'm getting very angry at Rick for dying and leaving me all this crap to deal with.

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4/15/07:

I've been lost in paperwork land.

I was working on the yearly books for taxes when I received THAT phone call, so it's been really hard to force myself to complete the paperwork needed. I'm finally done, except for double checking the square footage of the rooms used for business. I have a appointment set up with the tax preparer we met earlier in the year (same person we've used for several years) at 4:30 pm tomorrow. So either we get taxes filed or file an extention tomorrow. Either way I should be done. Now I need to think about catching up on this years paperwork so I don't have the same mess next year.

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4/26/07:

Shelly and I have been struggling with sleeping lately. We both wander around not being able to sleep until the wee hours of the morning, and then have trouble getting up once we finally fall asleep. Shelly has missed several days of school lately because she didn't get up and neither did I. So I can add being a bad mom to the list of things I'm worried about.

Reality is setting in hard here.

My yard is getting overgrown with this rain. I know at the end of last year the lawnmower was broken down, but I don't know what the problem was. I just didn't pay attention, both because of the stress of my dad's sickness and death, but mostly because Rick and the boys always dealt with that stuff. Neither Shelly or I have ever even started the lawnmower when it did work. The whole thing of taking it to get repaired, worrying about getting gas and oil, starting it....all the stuff needed to get to the point of actually pushing it to mow....seems overwhelming.

I've actually been thinking of getting a reel (handpush) mower. I had one many years ago when Dave was little and I was a single parent. It would be good exercise and would save me the headache of dealing with gas and breakdowns and all that stuff.

Some days I'm doing fine and others I'm a basket case. A hundred times a day I think or hear or see something I want to share with Rick and then it hits me again that I can't. Yesterday I was driving down the highway and a line in a song on the radio hit me and I'm crying again.

Shelly and I had to figure out where the paper supply comany that we buy packing peanuts and bubblewrap was located, neither of us had ever been there. I'm starting to see how much help Rick was with the eBay stuff, that I didn't realize. I had to make four trips out to the van with bags of inventory yesterday, since I had no one to help me carry stuff.

We still haven't figured out where the can redemption center moved to, they are no longer at the address listed in the phone book, and we're overrun with cans to be returned. (Iowa has 5 cents can deposit) Shelly's car had to go back into the shop again.

We are finally remembering trash day.