The girls are the only thing keeping me going right now. I did get sleep last night, which helps. Of course, I was exhausted from being up all night the night before.
The house is so empty. Not only am I missing Rick, but both boys who were living here are gone now too. I know to everyone else involved I'm "only" a stepmom, but I've been Mom to those boys for 6 years so to me and Shelly we have lost the rest of our family too.
Missy has been staying here every night, just going home to brush teeth and grab clean clothes. But both girls are busy with work, and Shelly is still in school, so there are lots of hours with just me here.
For some reason, the act of standing under the water in the shower gets me sobbing uncontrolably, which is probably why I'm avoiding it.
I am still mailing out eBay packages as needed, and doing the bare minimum to keep the business going. It's hard, but I know I'm going to need that income, so can't afford to ignore it completely.
Yesterday was my dad's birthday, the first since his death in October. Tomorrow is my brother Steve's birthday, he died of suicide at age 29. And Wednesday would have been Rick's 55th birthday.
Not an easy week.
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